Anger is the term used to describe the state of being hyper aroused when we feel endangered or our personal safety is threat-ended by the exposure of our personal sense of being shamed, embarrassed, victimized or humiliated or as being weakened by threatened defeat, separation and possibly total abandonment inevitable.
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Anger is a stay away from me radiation.
Anger has often been misunderstood and deliberately but unconsciously used as a motivator which is easily identified as a sham when played upon and over the community as in such instances when the boxers "play nasty" at a press conference or the media pit two football rivals up in the local derby.
Such media manipulation is intended to provoke and incite the fight within all and attracts extra attention as we are alerted to a possible ‘enemy' and is used to deliberately motivate players and followers alike.
In many instances a lower than honest method of survival is to use one's own anger to deliberately manipulate other parties from obstructing one's clear path to success.
This often observed form of systemic psychopathy is practiced by less than honest people who operate in this manner and are completely in denial of or conversely desire to avoid dealing with their own wounds.
Less than honest commission rewarded sales sharks, "horse traders", gamblers, receivers of stolen goods, pay day lenders, some politicians and property developers regularly deceive the community behind the guise of dollar driven progress to forge new developments.
Anger in relationships:
"I'll show you attitude"
Individually and in relationship disagreements anger is often used in similar fashion to show partners by deliberate and purposeful anger motivated effort that they are capable of being caring, attentive capable and cooperative.
In such situations great and completely well intended, but completely misdirected, loveless effort is expended to win the partner over by symbolically bringing home the flowers to effectively "throw them on the kitchen table or in the front door".
"Here I have made an effort to change, you made me feel like a total fool on the bus just to bring you home flowers. So it's really unfair of you to tell me and your friends that I have not tried to change."
"Yes sure I am critical but what do you expect when you don't want to sleep with or have sex with me?"
"Am I supposed to be all loving and contrite when you tell me that I really don't get it after being together all this time".
"Why wouldn't I feel like having a few beers with the boys after the footy when you make me feel like crap when I'm at home".
"You are at home pleasing yourself all day long, I have deadlines and phones and people around me 10 hours a day, when I come home I just want to be left alone, is that ok, or is that too much to ask?"
These possible scenarios are exaggerated for the purpose of this article, however we believe they relay the sentiments of many therapy situations where individuals are guarding themselves against further wounding and rather than communicating they are projecting defensive messages back at their partner and neither party is actually communicating with the other.